” And I know that I can survive, I’ll walk through fire to save my life, And I want it, I want my life so bad, I’m doing everything I can” – Sia “Elastic Heart”
The first time I heard these lyrics, my whole energy body stopped in recognition. I know exactly what this feels like. I know what it means to walk through fire to save myself. I really do.
This is the work of the shaman.
In order to really let go of that which no longer serves you, you forgive even the most horrific of personal tragedies, you must be able to do more than talk about it, you must be able to reach back into the past and reclaim your power, reclaim the energy that you left behind and return it to yourself. This work is at the level of energy, it is the work of the soul. Why would we embark on such a journey? Why would one endeavor to do such a thing? Because you are called. Because you hear whispers in your ear and in your dreams that you cannot ignore. Many do not listen out of fear, because it feels like too much; too much to journey back, too much to believe in energy, too much to let go of the stories that make up who you are. For me, this was not a price I could pay anymore.
For me the cost of ignoring my life’s calling was making me sick. It was leaving me feeling restless, unhappy and out of place. Denying your truth makes your heart ache. You can talk in therapy quite a lot and get somewhere over time but healing is faster if you deal in the symbolic, in the realm of myth and fastest in the realm of energy. Letting go of your past, I mean really letting go, is radical forgiveness. You shed your stories, your outmoded self just as a snake would shed its skin, and you come to the place of rebirth, of uncharted waters, you have turned the page.
Shedding the past allows you to reclaim the power that you have left behind but it also is an act of love. It is an act of love for yourself because you finally let go of those stories that no longer serve you, that hold you back from living in your fullest joy and splendor. It is an act of love for the seven generations before you, severing ties of wounds that go back lifetimes, it also is for the seven generations after you, refusing to pass these stories along. It is also an act of love for those who have wounded you. This is deep forgiveness. To see the perpetrator as yourself, walking wounded, doing no more than what they know no matter how awful, despicable or tragic. I do not undermine how difficult this can be, but I know its where the work is. I know it is where the healing is.
When we truly forgive, when we are willing to remove these hooks of the past, we are finally able to move forward, tell new stories of who we really are and who we dream to be.