Let’s start by clarifying something. I know nothing. I do not claim to be anything more than someone seeking a deeper understanding of themselves, the world around them and the universe in general. This is not a small undertaking. I do believe this venture is a masterpiece comprised of many lifetimes spent searching and seeking the truth.
The truth may be unknowable. It may be too vast for our minds to grasp, too far, deep and wide for our science to test. It seems this is the way with matters of the heart. I am okay with not knowing and frankly, am thrilled by the quest. It is what keeps me coming back, I’m sure.
So, if I have no answers, why write? Simply because I am called to do it. This is how I do lots of things in my life. Something deep inside me whispers “do this.” Sometimes I dive right in, other times I ignore this voice, stuffing it down for years until it fights its way to the surface, getting oxygen, regaining some strength, getting louder until I can no longer ignore its pleading. This is my call to remember.
Why ignore the call in the first place? Fear. It is always fear. Fear of being wrong, not fitting in, being prosecuted by your peers, not being loved. Fear is the absence of love. When we are not loving towards ourselves or others, we are unable to step out of this frozen state. This animal alertness, deer in headlights routine, keeps us from moving forward. It is always about protection from a threat. Sometimes the threat is real and the strategies we have to save ourselves from the anguish is useful. However, when these patterns of protections spill over into the times in our lives when the threat is not real, that inability to step out of trauma, the flight vs. fight, this is when we limit ourselves. The more we repeat this strategy, the more difficult it becomes to break free of the pattern. Its like a path in the woods. The more you take one path, the easier it is to keep taking that same path.
Answering the call means taking the road less traveled. It means listening to the deep yearnings of your heart in the face of your fear and trusting. It means being soft and strong, vulnerable and powerful all at the same time. It means saying yes.
So, I am starting the blog with the intentions of sharing my heart’s longing and my understanding of life albeit limited because I feel called and the following words keep echoing in my mind:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.” –Marianne Williamson
In love and light,